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Dirty Dad Jokes mix authoritative dad humor with a nervy twist , making them even suspect . Enjoy this handpicked collection of jokes and meme !
My workfellow hates when I contract his name to D*ck . Especially because his name is Josh .
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- marked-up dad joke : the butler knows too much – 30 second reading material time***In a wealthy family , the butler ask the pappa for a hike . The dad asks : “ Why would I even give you a raise?”Butler : “ There are two reasonableness . The first one is that someone said I ’m a better James Cook than you”Dad : “ Who said that?”Butler : “ Your wife . ”Dad : “ hmmm”Butler : “ The second reason is that I make beloved easily than you”Dad : “ and who say that ? ? my wife???”Butler : “ No , the baby-sitter did . ”Dad : “ ok … how much more money do you want ? ” * * *
- cracking joke : Dad ’s ordering at the food truck * * * A pappa goes to a intellectual nourishment truck and sees the menu : beefburger : $ 8Fries : $ 4Handj0bs : $ 20.He involve the gorgeous cleaning woman puzzle out in the motortruck “ are you the one doing the handj0bs ” . “ Yes ” respond the charwoman with a braggart grinning . The papa responds : “ Well , could you please wash your hands ? I would wish a burger . ” * * *
take out one ) little alphabetic character in a text message can ruin a spousal relationship . While on a concern trip-up to Las Vegas , the dad texted his wife belatedly at night:“I’m have a fantastical sentence . I wish you were her . ”
A world sit at the bar , looking pitiful . barkeep : “ What ’s wrong , buddy?”Man : “ Caught my wife in bed … with my best friend . ”Bartender : “ Damn ! What ’d you do?”Man : “ narrate her to pack and leave behind …… Then I bet my good friend in the oculus and said , ‘ Bad dog ! ' ”
- How do you get a nun pregnant ? Dress her up as an communion table son .
A few dirty dad jokes about 3-somes
I arrange up a threes0me last nighttime . alas , two of us did n’t show up . We still had a great time .
As a special treat for my natal day , my wife said she was undefended to a threes*me . She asked me which of her friends i would want to invite . But she got mad … apparently , i was only reckon to pick 1 .
Dirty dad jokes about moms or women
A world without women : Sure , women can cause a mickle of problemsBut a world without women is a pain in the rear end
Dad calls 911 : Dad calls 9 - 1 - 1 , says “ I think my married woman is bushed . ”Operator asks , “ What do you mean , you ‘ think ’ she ’s dead?”“Well ” , the dad say , “ The s*x is the same , but the ravisher have started to pile up . ”
I take in my wife , very drunk , squall at the telecasting . ‘ Do n’t go in there ! Do n’t go in that church , you dummy up ! ’ I infer she was watching our marriage ceremony video recording again . She must really love me .
- A mom goes to her doctor because her husband no longer seems interested in her . With 3 young kids at plate , the couple struggles with intimacy . The doctor prescribes viagra , but the mom put forward that the dad will not take the pill . The doctor recommends putting a pill in the dad ’s coffee discreetly . A few day after , the mommy come back to the MD , furious . “Did it not work ? ” ask the doc . “It was frightful ” , responds the mom … “ he drunk his coffee tree , then mosh everything off the board , ripped my doll off , and had his ways with me flop there . ”Puzzled , the doc demand , “ Is n’t that what you wanted?”Mom : “ But now I ’ll never be able to go to Starbucks again ! ”
About pregnant women or babies…
get ’s be true , baby are flyspeck , adorable chaos machines . So , in the flavour of sleepless Night and questionable diaper surprise , here ’s a batch of pop jokes that are a little dirty , a bit off - colour , and totally worth it – about babies and significant women .
Naughty dad jokes about infidelity
Infidelity : it ’s a atrocious approximation in real living but a goldmine for comedy . So , if you like your dad jokes with a little scandal and a lot of spoiled taste , you ’re in the right situation .
Unaware that her daughter is hiding in the bedroom loo , a mom brings a buff to her sleeping room while her married man is at work . Her husband go far home unexpectedly , ram her to speedily veil her lover in the same bedroom water closet where her daughter was already enshroud .
The little girl whisper , “ It ’s really dark in here ” The man nods . She add : “ face at my bird ” . The man unenthusiastically looks at the bird , “ That ’s nice . ” The young woman then read , “ My dad is just outside . Wanna grease one’s palms my doll ? ” The man says , “ Fine , I ’ll buy your doll if you keep quiet . How much ? ”
Taking advantage of the opportunity , the girl replies with a cock-a-hoop smiling : “ $ 100 ” and the man has no choice but to pay .
calendar week afterward , the same matter happens . The small girl says again : “ It ’s really sinister in here ” , followed by the same “ Wanna buy another doll ? ” The man slump until the little girl hints that she might reveal their secret . The man in haste ask , “ How much ? ”
“ $ 250 ” say the girl , with an even self-aggrandising smile .
years later , the girl and her spiritual pa heads to church service . It ’s sentence for confessions , inside the cubicle . “It ’s really dark in here , ” the lady friend says . The non-Christian priest responds , “ oooh … do n’t get this started again . ”
While sitting at a big party , a man ’s friend came tend towards him . “ speed ! Your wife is in the master bath upstairs , chisel on you with your best friend , in the steam shower ” .
The adult male rushed upstairs to see what was happening for himself . But after a few minutes , he returned and sat down very calmly , as if nothing hap . Everyone at the party was disordered and someone finally dares to ask what come about …
The human race replied that his protagonist had been greatly exaggerating : “ First , he said it was in the steam exhibitioner , but it was a steady exhibitioner . Second , he say she was with my best friend , I did n’t even know the guy cable . ”
Other dirty dad jokes and memes we think are hilarious
We are far from being done ! These daddy jokes below are a routine out or keeping , and just wrong enough to be hilarious , so brace yourself and attempt not to laugh ( or do , we wo n’t judge ) !
What is the scientific / aesculapian name for Viagra?Mycoxaflopin
My dad sound out I should never go to a cheap and cheesy striptease club because I might see something I should never see . But I went anyway . And when I get there … I see my daddy .
- A male whale and a distaff whale see a sportfishing boat with a large harpoon . The male whale recognized the ship that catch his dad giant a class ago . He asks the female whale “ let ’s both get under the boat , muff air out of our air holes , and it might topple the ship . ” They go forward and do it , with succeeder : the fish boat sinks . However , the Elizabeth Cochrane Seaman manage to drown away , almost pass on shoring . The male whale , let down that they might get off , ask the distaff whale “ Let ’s trip up them and eat them up . ” But this time , the female whale does n’t require to join in : “ Look , I did the blow job just like you asked , but I really do n’t want to immerse the Elizabeth Cochrane Seaman ” . * * *
Dad explains to his Logos why his sister is call in Claire:“Dad , why is my sister called Claire?”“Well , it ’s an anagram of éclair , which your female parent have a go at it a hatful . ”“Cool , thanks . ”“No problem , Alan . ”
You know your marriage sucks when the only thing that gets erected during the Xmas holidays is the tree diagram .
Gallus gallus testicle are a workplace of perfection . Why ? Because they get laid and do n’t even need a c0ck .
set about a job as a s*x plaything tester , money is good but it ’s a real pain in the butt .
Dad stated he already got this colonoscopy . However , it turns out that he was just full of sh*t .
understand this related post : Top 100 dirty jokes for her(to make your girl laugh)orTop jokes for ADULTS .
Last week I hire a prostitvte philosopher . She fumble my nous on so many levels .
Why did that one guy ask the escort for a refund ? He said that the bang was n’t deserving his sawhorse .
A busty char smack me in an elevator . I was look at her , and she said , “ Can you push one please ? ” .
My married woman asked if she was really the only ‘ one ’ I had ever been with … I told her that most of the others were 8 or baseball club .
My wife tried to make honey to me on the exhaust hood of her Honda Civic . But I turned her down . If I ’m going to do it , it ’s depart to have to be on my own Accord .
- Giddyup ! * * *
I ’m getting a divorcement with my wife and the jurist decided that she get half of my weed cache . I detest joint custody .
What do you get when you jingle Santa ’s balls ? A blanched Christmas !
I had to go to the doctor because I ’ve been having lots of unpredictable bowel movements . They diagnosed me with all kinds of uncanny sh*t .
Related station : Top jokes for Adultsorthe best knock - whack jokes for ADULTS .
*** Great dad joke: son asks his dad about protection (1 minute reading time)***
A man walks into a chemist’s shop with his 10 - yr - one-time Logos . As they take the air by the condoms the boy asks , “ What are these Dad ? ” The gentleman’s gentleman answer “ Those are safe , son . the great unwashed practice them to have safe sexual activity . ” “ Ok . We learned about that in health form last calendar week , ” he said .
The boy points to a package of three and asks “ Why are there three in this package ? ” “ Those are for 20 - class onetime men : one for Friday , one for Saturday , and one for Sunday , ” the father respond .
“ So why are there six in this package ? ” “ Those are for 25 - class quondam men . Two for Friday , two for Saturday , and two for Sunday , ” he explains again .
“ Wow ! ” the boy exclaimed . “ Then why are there 12 in this one ? ” The father sighed , “ Those are for pappa . One for January , one for February , one for March … ”
A woman walks around her household wholly naked when suddenly she hears the doorbell ring . She postulate “ Who is this ? ” A man answers “ It ’s the unsighted man ” . Re - insure , the woman , still au naturel , enter the door . The mankind stares at her , hesitates for a second , then says “ ok … so where do you want me to install those blind ? ”
My telephone set keeps autocorrecting “ fvck ” to “ duck . ” That ’s okay – it ’s still fowl linguistic process .
Why is it called dad jokes ? If it was called mom jest , they would have a chance of being in reality amusing .
A dad told his son that he vote down 100 people in Vietnam . His son asked:“I thought you were a planer automobile mechanic ? ” But the pappa admits : “ I was n’t a good one … ”
When I was in eminent school , my dad demonstrate me a ten - second video of why I should wear safe … he just showed me a picture of me as a tyke .
I knew I was becoming too much like my dad when I watch the look of disappointment in my mom ’s oculus .
My good champion is addicted to remove blurry pictures in the shower . He has serious selfie steam issues .
A mosquito ’s grandfather became a divorcement attorney . He was already a bloodsucking sponger , but now he has a briefcase .
My father knows the best jokes about mastvrbation . He suppose that to make people express joy , they always “ come ” in handy .
What ’s the difference between a vampire and a person suffering from anemia ? One draw blood , and the other ’s rake take up .
A daddy says to his wife : “ The hombre at golf game were saying that our mail carrier has slept with every woman on this street except one … ” His wife replies : “ I calculate it ’s Claire ! ”
*** Great dirty dad joke: the daughter is pregnant ***
A daughter recite her parent that she is meaning . The daddy demands to conform to the father of the babe , who arrive in a sybaritic motorcar and promises generous fiscal support . The human beings reassure the parent : “ I can not raise this child , but I will give you $ 3 million dollar and a house ” .
The dad start warm up up to the idea of welcoming this Modern baby to the man . He asks what would happen if there are twins . The man replies : “ In this case , you will get $ 6 million , and 2 house ” .
The dad becomes excited but then worries about the possible action of a go wrong pregnancy . The man does n’t hump what to react to that and asks the parents “ What do you think should happen if the maternity go bad ? ”
The father lean in and whispering in the man ’s auricle : “ You f*ck her one more time ! ! ”
I could n’t believe that my dad and mamma split up . My dad always described their marriage as : “ Being just like Christmas . ” by and by , I learned he meant it ’s because Christmas only amount once a year .
A cannibal family eats dinner together . But the son , visibly upset and not interested in the food , refuses to corrode . The cannibal dad says : “ Your mother cooked very long and strong to become this repast and I have a bun in the oven you to deplete it . ”
I ’ve just watched a Netflix documentary film on weed . I loved it , and actually … I really think all documentary should be ascertain this way .
Dad : The doctor recommended I touch myself whenever I want . Mom : No , he did not . He said you could have a stroke at any time .
I late came into a bunch of money . That ’s unusual for me because I ordinarily apply paper tissue because it ’s cheaper .
What ’s the difference between a circle of used car tires and 365 used safe ? One was a ‘ goodyear ’ , the other was a fantastic class !
“ It ’s a boy , ” the dad say with emotional tears in his eyes . It was at that moment he decide not to call in Thailand again .
What ’s the difference between a funnyChuck Norris jokeand too much @nal play ? One will make your day , the other will make your cakehole weak ( whole week ) .
Funny Tweet : check into out this tweet below with a few great ideas :
If you care these dirty dad jokes , you will love our130 best muddy jest of all - prison term !
A momma asks her husband : “ How many women have you kip with?”Dad respond : “ One , two , three , four , you , five , and then six … six amount ”
A lapidator just used my oeuvre to - do tilt to roll up a articulatio . He is nowhighon my tilt of priorities .
My girlfriend has a kidnapping phantasy . At first it made me uncomfortable , but I decide to be open - minded and give it a endeavour . Then we also made a $ 50 KB ransom money after snatch some minor on the street .
Not Exactly Dirty, But a Funny Dad Joke (Over 120,000 Likes!)
have-to doe with Post :
or keep reading our “ fair ” dad put-on .
Those Padre and son Hallmark moments
Stars Making Dad Jokes
And finally , to end on a good note , catch these dad joke from Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg :
Related Post :
35 Funniest Dad Memes
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