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Ah , the Anti - Joke . Defying formal humor with anti - climactic non - punchlines , and yet still managing to tickle our risible clappers . Some say that Anti - put-on are underappreciated , but that ’s definitely not true on this Thomas Nelson Page . We hope you ’ll enjoy this feast of ironical humour and deadpan delivery as much as we enjoyed putting it together !
The Classics
Some of the most popular jest exercise set - ups ever have received the Anti - Joke treatment …
Why did the chicken cross the road?Somehow it had turn tail from the farm and was just wandering around for several hours .
Which come first , the chicken or the egg?Most in all likelihood the egg , because even dinosaurs laid eggs zillion of class ago .
I have a mouth but can not talk . I have feet but can not walk . What am I?A conundrum .
Why did the dinosaur cross the route ? The chicken could n’t because it had n’t develop yet .
A knight wanders into a saloon , and the barkeep asks , “ Why the farseeing face?”The sawhorse , not translate the inquiry , unloads excreta on the floor of the bar and then leaves .
Why was six afraid of seven?It was not afraid . phone number are not capable of feeling fear because they are not sentient .
A man walks into a bar . Then he tell a drink and waits for his drink to be served .
A bear walk into a stripe . Seeing that , several multitude got up and exit as they greet the possible danger of the situation .
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks , “ Why the foresightful face?”The gymnastic horse says , “ It ’s a result of the evolutionary outgrowth . ”
What do you call a deer with no eyes?A cervid . The absence of eyes does not alter the animal ’s species .
Why did the chicken scotch the road?The crossing happened entirely by chance because Gallus gallus do not have the capacity to understanding .
What do you call 100 realtors at the bottom of the sea?A tragic boating accident .
How many Germans do you need to change a lightbulb?One . They ’re generally very effective .
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall … And a pretty decent saltation and summertime too .
Knock , knock . Who ’s there ? To . To who ? No , it should be “ to whom . ”
Take your age and add together four to it . That will be your geezerhood in four years .
Roses are dead . Violets are drained . I am not the best gardener .
Animal Anti-Jokes
Animals tend to sport heavily in Anti - Jokes because their way of being- completely at one with their own nature- make them a perfect foil for the anti - jest ’s thing - of - fact yet still - surprising punchlines …
When birds aviate in a cinque formation , why is one side commonly longer than the other?Because there are more fowl on that side .
Why did the dinosaur eat the iPhone?He could n’t have . Modern technology appeared long after dinosaurs were extinct .
Why did the toucan fall out of the Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree ? Because it had passed out .
Why did the mice exhaust the cooky ? The shiner were athirst .
Why could n’t the bird of Minerva jockey the lightbulb in ? Because owls do not have hands .
Why did the swan hiss?Biologically , swan have accommodate to make a boo speech sound when they are threatened .
What did one ant say to the other ant?Nothing , they communicate by pheromone , so they do not speak .
What do you call a pigeon that does n’t know its way back home ? A pigeon .
Why do flamingo stand on one leg ? If they lifted up their other branch , they would fall over .
Why do you never see elephants obscure behind tree diagram ? Because they ’re very good at it .
Why ca n’t T - Rex clap ? Because dinosaur have been extinct for millions of years .
What ’s lily-white and black and eat like a sawbuck ? A zebra .
How does a kangaroo jump gamy than the average bus?A kangaroo has rather powerful hind legs and the ordinary busbar can not jump .
Why ca n’t dinosaurs laugh ? Because they all die long ago .
Where do Baron Snow of Leicester leopards vote ? I did not do it that snow leopards participated in republic .
What did one mosquito say to the other ? “ I want this venous blood vessel ; you may have the next one . ”
What did the raccoon say to the other ? “ Does my breath look like I ’ve been wipe out trash ? ”
Why did the eagle say “ hello ” to its prey ? Because he was a cultured bird of Jove .
What do you call all of these let the cat out of the bag animals ? Fictional .
Anti-Jokes in the Wild Pt. I
Animals , celebrities , historical events , or the solar system;no sphere of life is safe from the Anti - antic …
Where did the signing of the Constitution take place ? At the bottom .
What do you call someone who is on the moon?An astronaut .
You ’ll never gauge my gramps ’s last words before he kicked the pail . He said , “ Hey kiddo , how gamey do you suppose I can sound off this pail ? ”
Why do we dress baby girl in pinkish and infant boys in blue?Because they are incapable of coiffe themselves .
What do you call a man with a pound in his head?An ambulance , as he clearly has a very serious head wound .
What ’s chickenhearted and something you should obviate eating ? A taxi .
What ’s scarlet and not good for your teeth ? A brick .
What ’s slimly worse than seeing a dirt ball in your apple ? Seeing two worms in your apple .
Why does Kelis ’ shake bring all the boy to the yard ? Because she always form really good milkshakes .
How do you fuddle a blonde ? You say something that will blur her .
Why are there no Amish people on Uranus ? Uranus can not stand human living .
Why did Sarah detain home from the political party ? Because she was not invite .
Why did the fille drop her ice ointment cone ? She tripped and it slipped out of her hand .
What did the gorilla and the pancake have in vulgar ? They both love bananas .
What can you do over and over again but not remember doing ? Get blind intoxicated .
A affected role tell the sawbones that he could n’t feel his legs . “ I know , ” the operating surgeon reply , “ It was your arms that I cut off . ”
Two blueberry bush muffins are in an oven . One sound out to the other , “ Sheesh , it ’s really hot in here . ”The other replies , “ Yeah , probably around 350 degrees . ”
How is a barroom of soap similar to your dreams ? They both slip aside easily .
What do Olympic sprinter eat before a cock-a-hoop raceway ? Nothing , they fast .
Do you desire to know what keeps me sane ? red-faced wine .
What did the homo give to his girlfriend on Valentine ’s Clarence Shepard Day Jr. ? Something flowers and a pack of lies .
Why did the boy in the motion-picture show theater get cry at ? They were spill too loudly .
Why do I talk to myself ? Because sometimes it help to think out loud .
Guess what I saw today . Everything that passed before my eyes .
They Said What?
If you were somehow transported into an Anti - Joke in literal life , you would n’t in reality know it , because everyone would be saying the same matter that they would in that real - life history scenario …
What did the stranger say to another stranger on the bus ? Nothing . They did not bonk each other .
What did the military personnel from Georgia say to the man from Connecticut?“We’re both American but come in from different United States Department of State . ”
What did one anthropophagus say to the other after they finished eating a jester?“We could get in serious worry for this . ”
What did one Italian say to the other Italian ? I ’m not indisputable ; I do n’t verbalize Italian .
What did the man say when he lose his truck ? “ Hey , where ’s my truck ? ”
What did the cowboy say when he attend his second rodeo ? “ This ai n’t my first rodeo ”
What did the intern say to the other intern at the umber automobile ? “ Coffee smell good . ”
What did the egg - fried rice say to the shrimp ? Nothing . Rice can not speak .
What did the pipe fitter say to the vocalist ? “ Hey , nice tobacco pipe . ”
What did the clenched fist say to the boldness ? Nothing . Fists can not speak .
What did one surgeon say to the other operating surgeon ? “ overnice to meet a fellow surgeon ”
What did the French Guy say to the other French Guy ? Je m’appelle Guy aussi .
The One-Liner
These one - liner are all about timing and deliverance … A moment like a delivery that needs to be made on sentence .
Every minute , 60 seconds go by .
Mary had a little Elia , and the accoucheur had never experience such a thing in all his professional year .
you may pick your Quaker and pick your nose … But you may not pick someone ’s pocket . That is stealing .
you’re able to tell a lot about a woman ’s mood from her hands . For example , if she ’s pointing a weapon at you , she ’s not glad with you .
Now I ai n’t sayin ’ she a gold digger … However , she did move to California in 1849 which coincided with the Gold Rush .
Fun fact : If you took all the veins in your physical structure and laid them out end to end , you would no longer be alive .
If a tree diagram falls in the woods and nobody is around to learn it … Then my illegal log party will do very well indeed .
You ca n’t trust an mote . They make up everything .
A monkey walks into a bar and orders a banana tree martini . The bartender finds this very strange until he make he is dream .
I told my good friend that her eyebrows were drawn on too high . She await surprised at this .
I told my husband to lay off being so immature . He told me to get out of his garrison .
I bust my finger last week . On the other hand , my fingers are all ok .
When we were young , we were afraid of the dark . Now that we ’re grown - ups , the electrical nib makes us afraid of the luminosity .
This girl severalize me to arrive over to her business firm because nobody was home . When I get in , nobody was home .
An atom walked into a bar . Nobody noticed because atoms are minuscule and everywhere .
My booster said to me , “ What rhymes with orange ? ” And I say , “ No , it does n’t ! ”
determine how to collect bedding was not difficult . I pick it up as I went along .
Anti-Anti-Jokes
Some people take the Anti - Joke too far . prosperous for them , Anti - Jokes are not sentient and they do not like how far they are taken . And so , we terminate up with Anti - Anti - Jokes , like these …
How long does it take you to count up to 100 ? I do n’t like .
How is a optical maser beam similar to a Carassius auratus ? Neither one can whistle .
Why are hamsters like cigars ? They ’re rather harmless until you put one in your mouth and set it alight .
What do a banana and a frisbee have in uncouth ? Both of them are not cops .
What ’s the dispute between a mierkat and a grape ? They ’re both purple , except the meerkat is n’t .
What do a turkey and a tricycle have in common ? They both have handlebar … except for the turkey .
What does a gymnastic horse have in usual with a dish ? Nothing . They are unalike in almost every way .
How do you confuse someone ? Paint yourself green and confound forks at them .
Anti-Jokes in the Wild Pt. II
at last , the Anti - Joke will never drop dead … It ’s there like your shadow whenever you perform a terrestrial everyday task or practice your capacity for recall tosubconsciouslyidentify a commonfruit . Underneath every prank is an Anti - Joke ; less showy than the former but oh so honest when it counts . And so without further ado , take us home , Anti - Joke , take us dwelling …
How do you wake up Cardi B?Ensure that her warning gadget clock is do for the appropriate meter each morning .
What are blue , purple , green , pinkish , and orangish ? The names of coloring .
How can you assure if it ’s warm outside?you may go outdoors and feel the temperature , or apply a modern weather app .
When did the astronaut who got come off from the spacecraft issue ? He did n’t . He will be adrift everlastingly .
Did you get a line about the fire down at the circus ? It was in tents
Do you want to know what will make you smile ? Your facial muscles .
What would you call a pencil sharpener that can not sharpen pencils?A broken pencil sharpener .
What ’s sticky and browned ? A stick .
Can I say you something that ’s really odd ? All of the figure that are indivisible by two .
What ’s white , loud , dangerous , and teasing at dinner party clip ? An avalanche nearby .
What ’s peculiar about four the great unwashed in a landrover drive over a cliff edge ? Nothing . Those were my friend .
Why is n’t there a Meijer in the Amazon rainforest?Because it is not practical to sell pharmaceutic and other good in the largely unpopulated rainforest .
What occur after 1984 ? 1985 .
How tall is Mt Kilimanjaro ? As tall as Mt Kilimanjaro .
What ’s the difference between paper and Brussels sprouts?No one care eating Brussels sprout .
What do you call a aesculapian student that fine-tune bottom of their class?Doctor .
What ’s light-green and has curtains?Grass , except it does n’t have curtains .
Have you see Stevie Wonder ’s house?It ’s in reality supply passing tastefully .
How do you empty a pool full of Australians?Politely but firmly tell them that they need to get out of the puddle .
If an orange is call an orange tree , why is n’t a lemon called a yellow?Because a stinker is shout a lemon .
What ’s green and smell out like red paint?Green paint .
Why is n’t Elizabeth II a serious train driver?Because she of late slip by away and deceased people are not capable of operating gear .
Why did the coach tell Chloe that she was wear too much makeup?Because Chloe was wear down more physical composition than necessary .
Why did Shawn get unbalanced after he ate too much icing cream ? Shawn is lactose illiberal .
How do you get someone to discontinue swing on a tyre swing ? abbreviate the rope .
What do you call a pretty dame on the branch of a rock star ? A tattoo .
What did the two sorority sisters do at their first college party ? They had a really beneficial fourth dimension .
What ’s so estimable about living in Switzerland ? Nothing , although the flag is a plus .
How does a dad gag speech sound in blank space ? As unfunny as it sounds here on earth .
Why did the mail carrier die ? Everybody die eventually .
