Manners , etiquette and mere societal good manners are n’t all necessarily the same thing . You might retrieve of manners as saying " please " when inquire if you need a salad and " give thanks you " when it ’s handed to you . Etiquette dictates that you employ the salad fork that ’s set out on the mesa when you eat the salad . societal good manners is the part where you do n’t bring up your host ’s acrimoniousdivorceas you pick your manner through the kale with balsamic vinaigrette . Should you " break " any of these ethnic dominion , you might be subject to a sharp look , pointed word or even an invitation to bequeath the house . But when — if ever — is it actually fine to point out when someone has cross the wrinkle ?
We must recall that the line is notional . Did you differ with any of the categorizations in the first paragraph ? That would make sense , because manners , etiquette and courteous behavior are all whole subjective . There are obvious ethnic difference . For example , it ’s absolutely acceptable in China to spit in public , while I might receive a look of disgust if I cheerfully ptyalise in someone ’s path in the United States [ source : Tatlow ] . But it ’s also based on private impression , too . I ’ve never cared if someone whistles in a crowdedsubwaycar , but others might find the behavior an unforgivable dissonance .
So before we let the cat out of the bag about what we can and ca n’t sternly lambast people for doing , we better recognise that claiming " authority " on the case of manners is a slippery patronage . Unless you ’re Miss Manners , you better expect divergence . If you are Miss Manners ? Well , we ’ll get to that later .
have ’s start little . Suppose someone did n’t say " give thanks you " when turn over that salad . If the salad - taker is an grownup , it seems safe to assume the salad - giver wo n’t prompt personal manner in a sing - songy way ( " Whaaat do you say ? " ) . It ’s a person ’s prerogative whether to say " thank you . " Let it go . ( And it ’s probably not appropriate to correct another someone ’s children , either . Not your problem if they produce up rude . )
Now , when it arrive to questions of etiquette like using the correct crotch , the chief thing we want to avoid is embarrassment . It ’s not uncivil to accidentally beak up the dessert branching for salad . It ’s just ignorance or a error . ( Or maybe you just do n’t care . That ’s perfectly fairish . ) As Miss Manners read , it ’s never polite to point out when someone makes an accidental faux Pa . A gracious person would belike just strain to correct it by making sure a new dessert branching is in place before the cake comes out [ beginning : Martin ] .
But here ’s the big one . When someone is being what we deliberate socially inappropriate , can we point it out ? The answer is yes , but we must recognise that rude should n’t beget rude . Changing the study , gracefully leaving a conversation or simply tactfully asking the person to lay off the behavior can be satisfactory . belligerent , mean - enlivened demands are n’t polite .
