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Australia ’s arguably one of the most beautiful places you could ever see . Sure , the episodic tourist might be prick by a deadly spider , snake or even raven by a crocodile , but there ’s always some small bad luck when you trip ! We love the reefs , the wildlife and that sexy accent mark that no one can read . We specially observe great joy in make fun of Australia and Australians and mankind there ’s mass of stuff for non - stop laugh .
We ’re get hold of you on a trip Down Under to discover the crotchet and craziness of this country/ continent ! If you happen to traveling through Australia , be mindful not to laugh too loud . Aussies are legendary for their criminal heritage . They may force fertilise you Marmite and then feed you to some wild animal to never be go through again . Until that happens , permit ’s have a laugh or two or fifty !
How can you state the difference between an Aussie and a jounce of yoghurt ? It does n’t take yoghurt over 2 100 to make a acculturation .
Why did the fussy Australian newlyweds meet up at Starbucks ? So that they could spend some koala tea clip together .
How can you say if you are attending an Australian Baptism or a funeral ? The funeral will have one less inebriated Australian .
A British man arrives at the Sydney international airdrome from England . The Australian immigration worker was reviewing his documents and inquired if he had a criminal record book . The British human respond “ No . Is that still required ? ”
Why was Jesus born in Bethlehem and not in Australia ? Australia lacks 3 wise men and a virgin .
How do Australians like to kiss ? They start with a French Kiss then cease up by going Down Under .
Why did the Australian judge return home soaking pie-eyed from a legal seminar ? The seminar was held on The Great Barrister Reef .
What did the beautiful fille say to the cute Australian IT guy ? “ Do you amount from a LAN down under ? ”
What ’s the curious fact about Australia ? Australia ’s biggest export is throwing stick . It ’s also their biggest importation .
Why is Australia so teetotal ? No monarchy can reign there .
Why is Melbourne FC always jealous of Cinderella ? Cinderella had no problem going for the clod .
Why is Australia ’s construction manufacture a unremitting , never - ending jocularity ? It ’s always a oeuvre in progress .
What happens when an angry , punctual kangaroo battle with a mule ? A roo quick to kick some a * * .
What ’s the good means to depict a smart Aussie?Adopted .
What lavatory marque do Australians prefer ? It does n’t matter , as long as it reaches down under .
An Australian family was at the airport looking to conjoin up with their hitch group headed to Bangkok . Somehow they got mixed in with the unseasonable group and the tour guide say , “ I trust you are not in the correct group . This chemical group is for Ikea fans head to see where the caller was founded . ” The Padre says “ No way . ” The tour guide respond “ in reality it ’s Sweden . ”
Why was the bear reject by the Australian zoo ? Because he lacked the required koalifications .
return to the scene of the crime . Why did the Australian refuse to go to England . He did n’t want to return to the scene of the criminal offence .
Why are bogans envious of Helen Keller ? Because her illiteracy put her on the path to fame .
What ’s the one room of dying that Australians miss ? From growing old .
Why was Novak Djokovic forced to use cash in Australia ? Because his visa was n’t accepted .
Australian legislating is centre on Transgender right . Apparently they are in conclusion addressing the various differences they have Down Under .
Those Aussie ’s are improbable !
One day , an Australian father see that his 3 year old daughter was have trouble open her yoghourt container when she mumbled , “ Mother fcking shitty lid ! ” His wife all of a sudden shot him a disgusted look and said “ Do you have any thought where she acquire that from ? ! ” The adult male responded , “ I suppose the refrigerator , you dumb cnt ! ”
What was the Australian man ’s reply after hearing a friend ’s clever play on words ? Now Aussie how you made that pun mate !
What did the Australian non-Christian priest say when he walked into the affected role ’s elbow room to administer the last religious rite ? Good dice !
What music do kangaroos revel listen to ? Hip Hop .
I try that Liam Hemsworth is selling jewels online . The name of the site is Liam Gems - worth !
Why ca n’t Australians take strange looking bird seriously ? Because they ’re so emu - sing !
Melissa Caddickloved roller coasters as a kid . When she was 5 years sometime , she first tried to ride one and they made her stand next to the height chequer . The ride worker tell her , “ Sorry , you ca n’t devolve on today . essay next twelvemonth because as of now , I ’m afraid you ’re a base short ! ”
During the final examination of an Australian cookery competition , a chef made a large mistake and used choke eggs for his dessert . He was going against another chef ’s Soufflé . In the remnant the evaluator said “ Yay Soufflé , Boo meringue ! ”
Because of Queen Elizabeth ’s death , new Australian coins will be made . Most do n’t beware if they get young bills , but in reference to the coin , many are against the change .
A mature Australian tried to reach me yesterday . I have no idea why no further message was give . All I bed is that a boomer rang .
What do you call a far-famed Australian actress who incessantly impart money to governance in need?Cate Blan check .
An American and Aussie are using the urinals at the same time . When they end , the American washes his helping hand and see the Aussie drumhead out . Giving him a nasty look , the American enounce “ Disgusting . Americans dampen their hand after using the bath . In response , the Aussie says “ No trouble mate . Australians do n’t pee on their hands ! ”
Which Australian rude beverage is most popular?Cran - berra juice .
Why wo n’t Australians accept a Spider - man from Australia ? The raciness would have done him in .
What chemical element did the koala have it off best ? Bear - ium .
Fun Australia: Deadly Animals
Of course , Australia is well known for its temperateness and mortal animate being pilfer up everywhere . Here are a few terrific examples :
And finally you might never know what you could find in your toilet ( play this short TV ! ) .
But do n’t care too much : the last human death in Australia due to a spider bite dates back to1979 .
Contagious Laughter in Australia
Here is what happens when an Australian seek to write a angry Kangaroo : when a younger kangaroo arrived in his garden , an Australian man dressed up in a Kangaroo costume for fun . His friend did NOT expect what would pass next . observe this short picture ( warning about the transmittable laugh ! ):
